Socializing while shy -- let your wardrobe do the work for you

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Approaching new people and trying to make connections can feel impossible for shy, socially anxious introverts like myself.

Being an introvert alone can make socializing a challenge, but also being shy and socially anxious makes getting to know others feel terribly daunting. 

• What do you say?
• How do you approach someone?
• How do you keep the conversation going?

For many, these aren't big issues and meeting new people and keeping the conversation going is easy and doesn't require much thought. 

But, if you're shy and feel anxious meeting new people and being social, I have a tip for you -- especially if, like me, you want to be social but feel paralyzed by the prospect:

Make your wardrobe

do some of the work

for you. 

Frequently I meet people and start chatting because a stranger approaches me to compliment some aspect of my attire or to ask a question about what I'm wearing. 

Years ago, I was visiting my cousin, and her friend remarked, "You have the coolest shoes!" While thinking about writing this blog post, I realized that several times over the years since then, others have also commented on my shoes or asked where I found them. 

In my late teens and early 20s, I distinctly recall three pairs of shoes that garnered compliments or questions regularly, often resulting in conversations with strangers:

• grey high top LA Gear tennis shoes with bright purple shoelaces
• black Doc Marten Oxfords with rainbow stitching
• Eddie Bauer "duck" boots

My interesting footwear choices have continued through the decades and still regularly open the door to conversations and socializing. I have even recently been described by others at a few networking events, at my day job, and at social functions as "the woman with the interesting/cool/colorful/fun shoes."

But, I've also been described as "the woman with the unique necklaces". 

Or, "the woman with the Princess Leia buns" (I promise my hair buns are not that big!).

Admittedly, I haven't always consciously put on fun shoes or interesting jewelry purposely to spark conversation; however, I recently attended The Quietly Impactful Summit hosted by Fifi Mason for introverted entrepreneurs where Samantha Harman discussed the power of personal fashion and Gus Bhandal discussed having something you are known for. 

• Samantha is known for using her personal style through fashion to drive conversation and business. 
• Gus is known for orange -- the color (it's all over his branding and he wears it frequently!) and orange flavored chocolate. 

Both of these introverts use visual cues to drive conversation and connection within their businesses and as part of how they coach other introverts. 

If you want to connect with others whether in passing, in deepening relationships, professionally or in any other way, but you are too shy and socially anxious to make the first move, consider your wardrobe. 

Despite being shy, socially anxious, and introverted, I actually love meeting new people and forming new connections. I just absolutely hate and am petrified by making the first moves:

• Approaching a stranger;
• Saying hello and starting small talk;
• Asking getting-to-know-you questions;
• Looking people in the eye before I feel comfortable.

I've learned that if I put on fun shoes, interesting jewelry, put my hair up in certain ways, wear certain glasses, and so on, I actually invite others to make the first move. 

Sometimes, it's as simple as a stranger on the train noticing my sparkly, rainbow rain boots and commenting on how fun they are. Then, I tell them how having small feet is a blessing and that I got them cheap in the children's section at Target and keep wearing them because they seem to make the people around me happy which then makes me happy. 

Other times, it's someone exclaiming that they have the same Rothy's* flats or loafers and that they love them and then we go on and on about how we wished we could buy them in every color. We compare styles, colors, and so on. Eventually the conversation usually goes on quite naturally to other topics.

*Use my link to get $20 off your first order from Rothy's! Terms & Conditions from Rothy's may apply. Click HERE to learn more and start shopping for your own pair of Rothy's -- I LOVE their flats and loafers!

Sometimes, it's someone asking about my jewelry. Every time I wear my favorite cloud necklace, someone wants to know where I got it. As soon as I mention that I bought it in Phoenix, Arizona, the other person recalls a memory about Phoenix or a connection with another person they know related to the city of Phoenix. And, the conversation naturally flows from there. (The necklace is from Practical Art, a shop and art gallery in the Uptown neighborhood of Phoenix). 

Next time you are getting dressed for work, putting on shoes to go do errands, or preparing for a social event, consider your wardrobe. Is there a necklace, a top or dress, a pair of shoes, or some other visual cue that often results in someone approaching you? 

If you want to increase your connections and socializing but aren't sure how, put on that special necklace or amazing dress or colorful pair of shoes! I can't guarantee it will work every time, but you might just be surprised at how often these choices invite someone to chat. 

Drop a comment and let me know what fun or interesting piece of clothing or accessories usually sparks conversation, even if you are feeling shy or awkward. 

Bonus: I'm writing an e-book about networking for shy, socially anxious introverts. You can sign up HERE to be notified by email when it's ready!

Check me out on YouTube HERE: I share videos about life, crafting and planning, and lots of Shorts focused on travel, art, and nature.

*This blog post contains affiliate links meaning I may receive a commission based on any purchase(s) you may make through such links. This is at NO COST to you. I will never include links to any product that I don't love or find incredibly useful.