Thriving or Surviving

I received a layoff notice on June 27th and learned that my job would be permanently eliminated 60 days later -- that 60 days was up yesterday.  This past weekend, I experienced some mental shifts and moved from anger and panic to curiosity and excitement. I could see any number of possibilities ahead.  Yesterday and today, I woke up exhausted after sleeping horribly and having extremely vivid bad dreams -- I'm pretty sure at one point that I yelled out loud while asleep and woke myself up last night. All of my anxieties and insecurities have been coming out in my dreams, even if I'm not necessarily feeling them in my waking life.  So, on day one of being unemployed, I'm feeling a little bit scattered mentally and emotionally, a bit worried about the future, but a bit excited too.  Today, I: Spent my morning tidying my kitchen, living room, and bedroom; Had two job interviews with different departments at the company that had just laid me off; Went to coffee with a f...

Something interesting happened this weekend.  With only two work days left before my job is eliminated, I expected to be going into this week panicked, worried, and freaking out.  Instead, something else entirely happened. First, I started to feel calm -- calmer than I've felt in a very long time.  Second, I started to feel excited and curious about the possibilities of hours not spent at a job working for someone else.  I've spent the last two months growing increasingly anxious and depressed about my layoff, to a degree that I started to see a new therapist and have considered trying an antidepressant. Through working with my therapist and facing the elimination of my job, I've been considering what I really want out of life. Am I just pursuing certain paths because I feel like I should or because I think it's expected?  I am still looking for a new job and have had several promising interviews, but this mental shift and the possibilities raised by not having ...

I hate my current commute, but as part of a float pool, I'm stuck going to whatever work site my bosses assign me to. Last month, my bosses FORGOT to assign me and ended up sticking me at an assignment that's an hour and a half away from my home. I don't have a car, so I'm on the bus for three hours round trip Monday to Friday. It's horrible and I feel like it's slowly killing me.  I am actively looking for other jobs, but in the meantime, I'm stuck with this commute for another 9 business days -- after the 9th remaining day, my job is being eliminated. Overall, I will have been stuck with this commute for three weeks.  I know others have worse commutes -- I've had worse -- but right now, I'm struggling in several areas of life so it feels even worse than it actually is . After coming home several days in a row so exhausted that I can barely function by the time I get home, I decided to find a way to make my bus rides more tolerable and to get some t...

Several years ago, Hal Elrod wrote The Miracle Morning and created a frame work for examining your life through several areas of focus and quantifying your satisfaction with those areas. The premise is that you rate these areas from 0 (the worst) to 10 (the best). For those where you aren't satisfied, you then create a plan to improve them. The Level 10 Life concept seemed to be everywhere in the planner and life improvement spheres of YouTube, Instagram, blogs, and so on a few years ago. I still see it pop up regularly, and I have used it occasionally in my own analysis of my life satisfaction. Since I definitely have not been thriving in any area of life for a while, I thought I'd look at my life through the Level 10 Life lens.  Elrod's categories are: Family and friends Personal development Spirituality Finances Career Romance Fun and recreation Giving and contribution Physical environment Health and fitness These categories may or may not speak to you. I'm not part...

Two days after writing my last blog post , I got a layoff notice at work.  I had asked to have a meeting with my boss about a process at work, and I thought that's what our Friday afternoon meeting would be about -- until I saw that the meeting was scheduled for only 10 minutes. Until a friend messaged to ask if I also had a 10 minute meeting. Until another co-worker messaged to ask if I had a 10 minute meeting. Until my friend messaged again to tell me about a weird interaction in which another employee asked her, out of nowhere, "So, are you looking for a new job yet?" At first, we had speculated that maybe our contracts were being extended (we were directly hired employees on six month contracts and supposed to have the option to renew, become permanent in our roles, or to move on other other roles within the company). I was catching on that this 10 minute meeting was probably a lay off notice in light of the fact that our company was talking about laying off a lot of ...

Life, lately, has felt rough. I know, logically, that I am not alone; however, I think when life feels hard, most of us revert to our emotional state instead of looking at our circumstances objectively. It feels hard and we often feel alone when things seem difficult or less than ideal. I started this blog in November, 2023 -- seven months ago -- because I'd been feeling out of sorts for several months and wanted to turn things around. I was feeling overwhelmed by pretty much everything in life from my finances to my relationships with others to housekeeping and beyond. I just felt like I couldn't get a grip on any one area and thus was failing in every area.  Unfortunately, I'm still feeling that way. And, it's exhausting. Two months ago, I submitted an interest form for a new therapist, and we had our first meeting last week. Unfortunately, the clinic schedules appointments every other week and my next session should fall on July 4th, but that's a national holiday...

We live in a culture of immediacy. Within seconds we can send and receive texts and emails, pull up videos or content on just about anything, and satisfy many of our desires for consumption and connection. But, what if that sense of immediacy is distorting and damaging how we interact with one another and the world around us? A little over 10 years ago, I asked some friends to review a sales page I'd put together for a program I offered, and I included a line on the sales page stating that I would respond to inquiries within a certain time frame. One of the friends told me that I should respond to inquiries immediately and thus should remove the time frame notice. Not long after this, that same friend texted me in the middle of the night. They lived a few time zones behind me so it was late for them, but not as late as it was for me. The text came through after I was in bed and asleep, so I did not respond until the next day while on my train commute to work. This sparked a meltdow...